At its core, sexting is just flirting with intention. It’s the digital version of leaning in a little closer (and letting someone know you’re not just here to chat about the weather). “Sexting is a playful, low-pressure way to build sexual tension, create anticipation, and explore desire between real-life moments by exchanging sexually suggestive messages through texting, DMs, or dating apps,” explains Mindy DeSeta, PhD, LMHC, sexologist for the Hily dating app.
Sexting lets you test the waters, gauge chemistry, and say things you might feel too awkward saying out loud. “In my work, I’ve seen how sexting can completely reshape the way couples connect,” says AASECT-certified sexuality educator Lilithfoxx. “It’s a low-pressure space to share fantasies, flirt, and communicate what turns you on.” It’s less about finding the perfect words to say and more about showing your partner you want them, you’re thinking about them, and that you’re excited to keep playing, she says.
That said, good sexting isn’t about jumping straight to something explicit or shocking. It’s about reading the vibe and knowing when to turn the heat up (and when to chill). Timing matters. Consent matters. “Nothing should feel off-limits, but everything should be opt-in,” DeSeta says. Sexting works best when both people feel comfortable, engaged, and confident that they can slow things down, change direction, or stop altogether.
If you’re new to sexting—or just tired of overthinking every message—you’ve come to the right place. Consider this your end-all, be-all guide for becoming a master sexter.
What Is Sexting?
Basically, sexting (a portmanteau of “sex” and “texting") is exactly what it sounds like: the practice of exchanging sexy text messages with someone with the intention of getting each other all horned up.
While the concept is pretty straightforward, it can be a little confusing to try to narrow down what, exactly, constitutes a sext. Is it just photos and videos? Sultry, descriptive paragraphs that are basically erotic literature? Horny emojis? Are voice messages getting involved??
According to sexual health educator at CAN Community Health, Jasmine Akins, it all counts. “Sexting is sending any sexual material (images, messages, memes, gifs, voice memos, etc.) via cell phone, email, instant message, DM (you get the idea),” she explains. So if it’s digital and sexy in nature—whether that’s via words or pics in your fave lingerie—it’s a sext.
But what makes for a good sext? In our opinion, if you’re being honest and enthusiastic about what turns you on, chances are you’re probably already killing the sexting game. That said, if you’re in the market for a little inspiration, look no further. We have tons of hot sexting ideas that are just waiting to be sent to the lucky person on the other side. But before we tell you what to send, there are a few things you might want to keep in mind to help keep everything safe, consensual, and, ofc, sexy for everyone involved.
8 Expert-Approved Sexting Tips
1. Always ask for consent.
Before you start snapping nudes, Akins says to make sure the other person is comfortable receiving your sexts in the first place. “Permission to send, permission to receive, and permission to continue sending and receiving are so important,” she says.
“Bring up that you want to explore sexting with your partner, [and] make sure you are comfortable sexting as well. You never should feel pressured to engage in sexting behavior.” (And if someone is putting on the pressure...hi, red flag.)
Another small but important note: Just because you got the go-ahead to sext once doesn’t mean you have a free pass to send explicit images at any time (unless that was already discussed). Again, you should be asking for consent every time, and always respect a partner’s boundaries or wants if they’re busy or not interested in sexting at that time.
Also remember that just like any type of in-person sex, you can change your mind about sexting at any time—even if you consented at the beginning, says Akins.
The best way to prevent any uncomfortable moments or transgressions is to continuously check in with your partner. It doesn't have to be complicated. In fact, it can literally be as simple as asking, "Do you like that?" or "How do you feel when I tell you I want to do this to you?"
2. Discuss your boundaries and what you'll do with the sexts afterward.
Important things to talk about prior to getting dirty: Will you delete the messages immediately after the conversation, or is it okay to keep them on your phone? Is there anything you really do (or don’t) want to sext about? Are you comfortable receiving written texts? What about photos? What about audio messages?
Establish what you and your partner are and aren’t looking for in the sexy exchange to keep things fun and not creepy. Certified sex educator Elizabeth Dell, founder of the relationship intimacy app Amorus, adds that picking your sexting platform carefully is key here. You want to make sure you’re on a secure app that doesn’t download your photos, save them to your library/Cloud, and has a secure privacy policy, especially if you’re sexting with someone new. (Tip: Try the Amorus app or Signal for a worry-free and safe sexting experience.)
3. Make your intentions clear.
Before going down the sexting path, it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page regarding what, exactly, the sexts mean. Are you just flirty friends passing the time or are you looking for something more?
Sexting is still a form of intimacy, and it’s important to only engage in the activity with people you trust. Being open about what the interaction means will help ensure everything remains fun and consensual. In other words, if you're only looking for something casual or a FWB thing, make sure that's clear.
4. Ask questions!
Dell says this is her number-one, most important sexting tip. “When you ask a question, you tell your partner that their opinion, thoughts, and pleasure matter to you,” she explains. “It also lets them set their comfort level—if their reply is tame or wild, you’ll see what vibe they are feeling.”
In addition to establishing and maintaining consent throughout your convo, asking questions can also keep the conversation going and help you learn more about what turns your partner on. And because sexting—like all forms of sex, TBH—can occasionally have some awkward moments, a well-placed question like, “What makes that hot for you?” can even help you out when you find yourself unsure of how to respond.
5. Double-check before sending anything.
You’ve heard the stories—a sext accidentally got sent to the parents when it was supposed to be sent to...well, not the parents. Akins says to always ensure you’re sending to the right recipient and turning off any automatic downloads. The last thing you want is your pics accidentally getting saved—or worse, uploaded to the shared “Family Photos” album.
With all that being said, don’t stress! Remember, sexting is supposed to be fun. And if you do find yourself in an awkward sexting situation, Dell says your best possible bet is to simply be honest with your sext partner about what you’re feeling. “When you acknowledge that you’re both human and not going to be movie-perfect, you both have room to make mistakes, to laugh at yourselves, and to experiment—and that’s where the good stuff really happens,” she explains.
6. Take your time building the heat.
While it might seem like the secret to sexting is to go from 0-100 like that, sometimes building the anticipation is half the fun. Jaimee Bell, sex expert, audio erotica creator, and the content director of Bloom Stories, suggests kicking the convo off with something playful like, “I’ve been thinking about you all night.” This will let you gauge their mood (even after you get consent, ofc).
“Once you get the green light, drop another teasing text, then switch back to casual conversation,” Bell says. “Keep them guessing; the slower you build the tension, the hotter it gets.” Try teasing with flirty texts throughout the day to let things simmer, then when things get to an explosive level, move the convo IRL or to FaceTime to finish things off.
Pro tip: If you’re not sure how to start, try revisiting a shared memory, Lilithfoxx suggests. “One of the easiest ways to create heat is to bring up something you’ve already done together. It removes the pressure of inventing new fantasies and reinforces real chemistry,” she says. “You might say something like, ‘Remember that night in the car after dinner?’ or ‘I’ve been thinking about the way you looked when you pulled my hair that one time.’”
7. Use sensory details to make it feel real.
To amp things up, skip the generic lines and paint a picture with your words instead. “Instead of saying ‘I want to kiss you,’ try ‘I want to feel your lips against my neck while you press into me,’” Lilithfoxx says. “The more sensory it is—with texture, temperature, and sound—the easier it is for your partner to imagine, and the more turned on they’ll get.”
Language that evokes the senses can make sexting feel more intimate and personal, she adds. You’re not just saying what you want—you’re inviting the person to experience it with you, and what’s hotter than teasing exactly what that experience will be like physically?
8. Leave them hanging on purpose.
That’s right—full permission to be a tease! “Sometimes the hottest move is cutting the conversation off just before it peaks,” Lilithfoxx says. “Think of it like a cliffhanger—you’re giving your partner just enough to get them worked up, then letting the tension sit there until you see them in person,” she says. This is especially fun when you want to build sexy anticipation.
“After a few back-and-forths, drop a line like ‘I’ll finish this story when I see you tonight’ or ‘You’ll have to wait and see what happens next,’” Lilithfoxx suggests
8 Sexting Ideas to Steal
Before you start firing off sexts, one quick reminder: good sexting isn’t about shock value or saying the “dirtiest” thing possible—it’s about connection. The best sexts feel collaborative, not performative, and they leave room for the other person to lean in, respond, or steer the convo where they want it to go. Think teasing over try-hard, curiosity over scripts, and always—always—opt-in energy.
With that in mind, here are DeSeta's top sexting ideas that actually work, whether you’re just testing the waters or already very much in your horny era.
1. The Consent Check-In
Before things get spicy, set the tone. Asking for consent doesn’t kill the vibe—it builds it. A flirty check-in shows confidence and respect, which is hot, and gives both of you room to opt in without pressure.
Send this: I’m having some very distracting thoughts about you—wanna hear them?
2. The “I’m Thinking About You” Tease
This one is soft, effective, and criminally underrated. Letting someone know they’re on your mind builds anticipation without jumping straight to explicit territory. Mystery > oversharing.
Send this: I can’t stop thinking about you today, and it’s becoming a problem.
3. The Post-Shower Soft Launch
Freshly showered energy is undefeated. Casually mentioning it signals ~a mood~ without being aggressive, which makes this perfect for warming things up—or restarting a convo that went quiet.
Send this: So umm... I just got out of the shower and now you’re…very on my mind.
4. The “Later Tonight” Setup
Future-focused sexting is elite. Hinting at what might happen later creates tension and gives both of you something to look forward to (without demanding an immediate response).
Send this: I already have ideas for what I’d like to do later…if you’re into it😈
5. The Callback
If you’ve hooked up before, referencing something you enjoyed last time can be incredibly effective. It shows attention, builds confidence, and instantly puts you back in a shared headspace.
Send this: I just randomly remembered how good last time was and now I’m distracted.
6. The Curious Question
Asking what someone wants or likes invites collaboration instead of performance. It keeps sexting from feeling one-sided and helps you learn what actually turns them on.
Send this: What’s one thing you’d want me to do if we were alone right now?
7. The Sensory Moment
Instead of describing actions, describe feelings. Anticipation, closeness, tension—this style of sexting feels intimate without needing to spell everything out.
Send this: I’m trying to focus, but my brain keeps wandering back to you. You gonna take responsibility for that or...
8. The Late-Night Energy Check
Late-night texts hit different, but context matters. Instead of the vague “what are you up to,” try something that signals interest and leaves room for consent. You’re opening the door—not kicking it down.
Send this: Problem: It’s late and I’m in a filthy mood. Can you help?
